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| 15.
The Specials - "Do Nothing"
Each day I walk along this lonely steet
Trying to find, find a future
New pair of shoes are on my feet
Cos' fashion is my only culture
Nothing ever change, oh no...
Nothing ever change
People say to me just be yourself
It makes no sense to follow fashion
How could I be anybody else
I don't try, I've got no reason
Nothing ever change, oh no...
Nothing ever change
I'm just living in a life without meaning
I walk and walk, do nothing
I'm just living in a life without feeling
I talk and talk, say nothing
Nothing ever change, oh no...
Nothing ever change
I walk along this same old lonely street
Still trying to find, find a reason
Policeman comes and smacks me in the teeth
I don't complain, it's not my function
Nothing ever change, oh no...
Nothing ever change
They're just living in a life without meaning
I walk and walk, do nothing
They're just playing in a life without thinking
They talk and talk, say nothing
I'm just living in a life without feeling
I walk and walk, I'm dreaming
I'm just living in a life without feeling
I talk and talk, say nothing
I'm just living in a life without meaning
I walk and walk, do nothing | | |
| 14.
i'm just a little person
one person in a sea
of many little people
who are not aware of me
i do my little job
and live my little life
eat my little meals
miss my little kid and wife
and somewhere maybe someday
maybe somewhere far away
i'll find a second little person
who will look at me and say
i know you
you're the one i've waited for
let's have some fun
life is precious
every minute
and more precious with you in it
so let's have some fun
we'll take a road trip
way out west
you're the one
i like the best
i'm glad i found you
like hanging 'round you
you're the one
i like the best
and somewhere maybe someday
maybe somewhere far away
and somewhere maybe someday
maybe somewhere far away
and somewhere maybe someday
maybe somewhere far away
i'll meet a second little person
and we'll go out and play
. . .
song here: http://www.zshare.net/audio/51136039b3d81bd9/
from Kaufman's new film, 'Synecdoche, New York'
go see it.
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| 13. Untitled Short Story Chapter 1
1. The Tick Ticks Slow at The Cafe
My coffee is bitter, the sky is grey. Lightning followed by thunder. Droplets on glass window, bending light through warped lenses. I look beyond and people scatter. Those with umbrellas walk fast, those without- faster. Rain...another good reason to hurry along, for God said only 24 a day.
As I sit here alone like any other day, my father is busy. He is always busy. Blends in with the rest no problem. Nowadays the only way you are somewhat different, is for someone to know your name. Otherwise you look the same, walk the same, buy the same things, watch the same movies, read the same newspaper. You’re one of some.
I remember back in the days. He tells me “time is money, son” as if he coined the phrase. Then he’d put on his long coat and walk through the front door. I don’t say goodbye, not since the day he decided it was a nuisance. I walk over to the door and stand on my toes, barely tall enough to peek into the warped lens, he’s already gone.
A young woman in a bright red coat walks by my view and into the cafe. She is beautiful. Probably has a large circle of “friends”, companions. People like pretty things, and the media corporations only took good advantage of it. I am not going to talk to her because I am nobody. I’m not going to bother describing my features to you, I’m just another guy. And this young woman in red, I’m not going to bother describing her features either, she’s just a pretty thing, and surely you know what a pretty thing looks like.
She ordered a latte and left...too quickly. Half of the people watch as she leaves, the other half pretend not to care. The rain continues, but I don’t mind it. I like the rain. I’d like to think that it’s cleaning this place. And the world feels much smaller when it rains, everything much closer, more intimate. The beauty of water falling from the sky, if somebody would just stop for a moment and see! But they don’t, they hurry along like it’s some sort of pest. Their luxury coats and luxury cars and luxury umbrellas can’t take it.
Être continué...
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| 12. Dystopian Mono-logue
Today is a good day to die. Heck everyday is a good day to die. Why not? No point of dragging it any further, right? Rainy, sunny, snowy. It’s all the same, we’ve seen it all. Not if a thousand meteors came crashing down the Earth, it’s all the same. Not if the core of the Earth came tunneling outwards and consuming me whole. Wonderful. But I’m not going to count on anything worthy of my attention anytime soon. And despair is now. This shitty world is now. This shitty life is now. Despair does not wait. Time loathes despair because despair drags him along too slow, too inconsistent. On the other hand, despair loves time. Despair fucking loves time because it makes him stronger. His powers double. Triple, quadruple, and continues to multiply indefinitely every time that clock ticks, until Death waits by your front door to say good day. Today is a good day. No money, no job, no hope. Would I do this if I the contrary was true? Say...I’m a billionaire right this second. What would I do with such "grand fortunes"? First thing all you fuckers would agree on is buying shit. What kind of shit? All kinds of shit. Cars. Houses, no. Mansions, beaches, bitches, cocktails, boats, planes, martinis, bikinis, booze, drugs. All the shit in the world to convince you that life is fucking jolly. Fuck that. I know better. Heck, you should know better. That shit is bull. But that’s what normal people want these days, people who sit around getting excited for the next James Bond flick, people who vote thinking they will get shit for their share of spilled lead on rectangular pieces of paper, people who read them magazines and watch them ads on TV waiting for that knock on the door asking them to be the next superstar. Maybe today that knock will come, from who I cannot say. That’s right, I don’t need anything. But you do. I guess if I had a billion dollars I’d buy you and your family and your friends and my "caring" family and my nonexistent friends all of the above, if it truly makes you guys happy, why not. I’ll give you all the life of lives. Secure, but exciting. Not a dull moment until the second you drop dead not knowing it. Because you never know you are dead. You can never know for sure, that you are dead. You’d be asking yourself why you’re in complete darkness feeling hot and shitty and a little tied up. My advice would be start digging or you won’t have much left to wonder about soon. I’ll give it all away, leaving nothing for myself (for I want nothing, not that I’m “selfless” or anything, though I should be real soon, literally), I’d look for this fine day (that is everyday) to do myself in. If I had to choose, I’d say I want...immortality. But, I don't got it, and my time is limited, might as well be now! Those millions of people killing themselves every year, I bet more than half of them are doing it for spite. To say a big “FUCK YOU!” to the world and the people around them. Well no one’s going to hear you because nobody cares. It’s also just about the dumbest idea ever because YOU WON’T BE AROUND TO SEE THEIR FACES! What the fuck’s the point if you can’t see their faces? Me on the hand have nothing to say to the world or anyone except that I’ll be leaving it. I’m leaving this shithole for nowhere. And while I’m packing and getting ready for nowhere-land, you’re still wondering what it would be like if I was that billionaire. Or better yet, you yourself being one, most definitely a whop more selfish than your dear friend, me, that, I can count on. Actually I change my mind. I’m not about to do myself in. ‘Cause of you. You’ve been listening to me, and for that...I love you. I love you, I think I really do. No, I know I do. I am not dead, I am quite certain I am not dead, and I am quite certain that I love you. You don’t have to love me back or anything, because I’m just a useless fuck in an ever-shitty world. No money, no job. Hope? Maybe...’cause I love you. I love you so very much, more than anything in the world (although not much in the world is worth loving anyways). And as long as I live to know of this immense love I am experiencing...beautiful, boundless, true...as long as I live to know of this love, I will live to see someone love me. Until Death arrives knocking on my front door to seize my last breath, I will wait, and I will love you.
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